bedtime for boy

Small boys are a dangerous breed and must be handled with care. There comes a time, however, when battle lines must be drawn, usually at bedtime...

1. The contest will always begin with your opponent saying NO. It doesn't matter what they are saying NO to, in fact, it will probably be to something quite inconsequential

2. There is no limit to the number of times the word NO may be used. In fact, 'countless' comes to mind

3. Your opponent will believe in the mystical powers of Doona. They mistakenly believe that rolling up inside said doona means 'out of sight, out of mind' and grants them the power of invisibility (if you are not Australian, a Doona is a quilt)

4. Do not be fooled into thinking your opponent only has 2 arms. In the heat of battle, they suddenly grow an extra 3 or 4

5. Feet also count as arms

6. Beware of beds with many bars at either end - these will be drawn into the conflict and used with points (4) and (5) - extracting small hands from one bar only causes them to latch onto other bars in the near vicinity, making it impossible to place the small child in the correct sleeping position

7. Lest you should think you have won the war and leave the room, be prepared for subsequent wall bashing and henceforth entering into the fray once more

8. The small child will refuse to lie down and will attempt to remain in the upright position for the remainder of the evening. Sitting on them may produce favourable results

9. Do not be fooled into offering hugs and cuddles. This merely encourages your opponent to step up his assault with the NO word

10. At battle's end, your worthy opponent will immediately fall into a deep sleep. You, on the otherhand, will be up for hours and will suddenly develop a twitch...