ten rules of boy

1. You will never tire of hearing "What's for breakfast?" or "What's for dessert?" Never. It's up there with "I'm bored, what can I do?"

2. It will take at least 3 occurrences of the dreaded 'white snow in the laundry' before checking pockets for tissues becomes an ingrained behaviour.

3. The lilting, inflected refrain of "awwwwuuwwwww" becomes music to your ears - really.

4. In the abscence of the magical Doona (see Bedtime for Boy), the nearest thing to hand appears to offer the same level of protection to small boys. Wrapping oneself in a beach towel and subsequently rolling under the bed apparently results in a similar invisibility status to said Doona.

5. Boys appear to have genius-level mathematical prowess when it comes to measurements and timeframes. They can spot a miniscule descrepancy in allotted portions at fifty paces to the tune of 'she's got more than me', or 'everyone else is allowed in the shower longer than me', accompanied by the lovingly familiar "aaaaaaawwwwwwuuuuw."

6. "Don't run" is a redundant turn of phrase. Although you will say it every five seconds, there is only one gear and it isn't 'slow.'

7. Never expound on your culinary prowess: 'Thai basil chicken in coconut milk with basmati' is clearly yukky. The same dish labelled 'Chicken and rice' is obviously far more yummy and entirely different.

8. Tomatoes and mushrooms are evil and will cause an agonising death to the boy if he so much as has to look at them. Never mind that you hide them in just about everything you cook and no-one is the wiser.

9. The football scarf and hat should have been warning enough - expect to lose control of the television remote on friday nights.

10. How the apple juice got into the bowl of breakfast cereal is certainly a mystery and one that the boy thinks should be investigated at the highest level, as he sits with that wide-eyed look that you just know isn't quite as innocent as it appears...